


The List

by StripeK



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Getting Together, Harry Potter feels a lot of guilt, Healer Draco Malfoy, Healer Harry Potter, M/M, like so much guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 05:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19125706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripeK/pseuds/StripeK
Summary: Draco finds a book full of names. Harry is feeling a lot of guilt. Can Draco help Harry?





	The List

**Author's Note:**

> This is lightly based off an episode of 9-1-1. I actually started it a couple of months ago, and was able to finish it today.
> 
> I do not own Harry Potter or 9-1-1. All feedback is appreciated!

Draco was clearing the cubicle when he found it, stuck down the side of the hospital bed. A small, black book with a black ball point pen and a magnetic clasp. He flipped it open, to see if it belonged to the patient who had vacated the bed, and was surprised to see two lists of names, over several pages.

The handwriting was familiar, but he couldn't place it, but the first line caught his eye:

James Potter     |     Draco Malfoy

He looked down the other names on the left:

Lily Potter  
Cedric Diggory  
Sirius Black  
Albus Dumbledore  
Hedwig

The list carried on, Draco recognised many names. They were all dead.

The right side was shorter, and only reached the bottom of the first page. Some names were unfamiliar, but a few he felt he knew, but could not place. He was focusing on one, Anthea Wells - was she one of his previous patients? - when a sudden sound of feet behind him jolted him back.

"Have you found my- shit!" Harry had come hurtling into view, his Field Healer robes flowing behind him when stopped just as suddenly when he saw Draco holding the book.

"I found it down the side of the bed. Sorry, I was checking to see if it was the patients..." his words faltered. Harry was still staring at the book.

"Did you... how much..." finally he looked up at Draco, eyes filled with terror.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was yours." Draco paused. He knew Harry well, they had come to a truce in their Eight Year at Hogwarts, and then become friends during their Healer training. Three years on, they were now both qualified and two months into their work - Draco as a Healer in the Spell Damage department at St. Mungo's, Harry as a Field Healer, helping those who needed treatment before they could be bought into St. Mungo's. He took a breath and asked the question he knew Harry didn't want him to. "What is this Harry?"

His eyes widened "It's nothing, just a silly list I'm keeping. For fun really..."

"Why is there a list of dead people, and another list with my name on?"

Harry paused for a moment, and then sagged as if his whole body had suddenly given up. Draco rushed forward and grabbed his arm, pulling him gently to the armchair in the corner of the cubicle. With a flick of his wand he closed the door and switched the sign to occupied.

Kneeling next to the chair, Draco took Harry's hand in his and softly asked him "Harry... the first list, your parents are on it. And Cedric, Snape... Is it a list of people Vol- _he_ killed?"

Harry's voice was thick "Sort of... it's a list of people who... died because of me... died _for_ me..."

"And... the other list...?"

"People I've saved."

Draco let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. Of course, the Fiendfyre. Then, realising there was another question "Why are you keeping a list of those who died for you and those you have saved?"

Harry looked away and blinked back tears. "Because I need to save as many lives as have been lost because of me. I can't live my life until I know I've had more of a positive impact than a negative impact."

Draco stared at him a while. Then handing him back the book and asked "How many?"

"How many what?" Harry replied in confusion.

"How many people have died for you Harry?"

"72"

Draco nodded, and pulled a pad of paper out of robes along with a pen. He sat on the bed and started writing.

"What are you-" Harry stopped as Draco held up his hand. Instead he took the moment to wipe his face and steady his breathing. After a few minutes, Draco handed him the pad, it was filled with names.

1\. Draco Malfoy  
2\. Gregory Goyle  
3\. Narcissa Malfoy  
4\. Luna Lovegood  
5\. Dean Thomas  
6\. Garrick Ollivander  
7\. Griphook  
8\. Ronald Wealsey  
9\. Hermione Granger  
10\. Neville Longbottom

The list went on, listing names of their fellow students, teachers, members of the Order and others Harry didn't even recognise.

"You saved Greg in the Fiendfyre as well. I know Weasley wouldn't have gone back for him if it wasn't for you. Without your testimony at my mothers' trial, she would have been sent to Azkaban and she wouldn't have survived that. It seems you have also forgotten what happened at the Manor. You helped them all escape, they would have been killed eventually you know."

Draco moved towards Harry again, this time crouching down in front of him, placing a hand on his knee before he continued.

"And everyone else... they all lived because of you. If you hadn't killed Vol... Voldemort... they would have all died. But they didn't and that is because of you. You saved them all. You saved the whole fucking Wizarding World - you don't need to save anyone else. You deserve to live your life however the hell you want to. You deserve to be happy for the rest of your life Harry."

"But... it's not enough Draco. I feel so guilty, all the time... All those people-"

"Most of them knew what they were risking. Lupin, Tonks... even Snape. They all knew the risks, but they knew it was worth it. They were so brave. And I didn't see your name on there. You sacrificed yourself to save everyone else Harry. You've given enough, please just do something for yourself?"

Harry reached towards Draco and brushed away a tear he didn't know was there. "I guess there is something I'd like to do for me..."

"You should do it Harry, you deserve to be happy."

Harry's hand was still on his cheek, the heat from his gentle touch was burning through Draco's body. His breath caught as he realised Harry was moving towards him, tentatively, almost as if he were afraid. He slowly brought his other hand up to Draco's face, the roughness of his fingers causing Draco's eyes to flutter shut as a soft, sweet kiss was placed gently on his lips, followed with another, this time slightly firmer and longer. As Harry moved away, Draco struggled to calm his breathing and took a moment to compose himself before looking up into emerald eyes.

"Was that all you wanted...?" The question came out far softer than Draco was aiming for, and his smirk felt more like a smile. His heart was still pounding in his chest, louder than he had ever known it to before.

"That depends... Can I buy you dinner?"

Draco's smile grew, as a slight flush coloured his cheeks. "On one condition."

"Oh?"

"You throw that book away."

Harry set the book down on the metal trolley beside his chair. "Incendio. That good enough for you?" Draco nodded. "So... shall I pick you up tomorrow night, say 8 o'clock?"

"I'm looking forward to it."


End file.
